Today we were interviewed by Soekie Krog, a lovely person and heartfelt presenter at Radio Pulpit.
It was really such a paradoxical, yet pleasant experience. Both Hannes and I experienced quite a range of emotions while telling our story today. I'm not sure what it is about today that made it different to all the hundreds of times we have been sharing the same facts, the same medical experiences, the same emotional experiences.
Perhaps it is the fact that you are in a dull room with a huge pop filtered mic in front of you and the knowledge that thousands of people are listening to you. Some are driving, some are in the office working, some are sipping coffee, some are lying in hospital just grasping for any ray of hope.
Today we spoke about hard issues one has to deal with when one begets a brain-injured child. There are many of these difficult emotions like anger, guilt, regret, fear, rejection, sorrow, trauma. Although we have dealt with a lot of these emotions and bad experiences or comments from others, those emotions and memories sometimes pop up when you are least expecting it, and then you have to deal with it again. I guess I can compare it to forgiveness.....it's something that you wrestle with, a sequence of emotions. First hurt, then anger, then mourning, then forgiveness. When you see the person again you might have to forgive again, but every time you choose to forgive, it get's a tiny bit easier than the previous time. I guess that's why its 70 x 7. I personally think false guilt, anger and regret also needs the 70 x 7 equation before the power of those negative emotions loose their grip on your life.
On the other hand, our eyes welled up with tears of joy because of the miracles we daily witness and the amazing privilege we have to be the parents of 3 special needs children. When we retold instances in our journey when God really infused us with hope , we couldn't help but fill up with gratitude for the grace we've been given. There must be truth in that old saying:
The will of God shall not lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you